Another Mucking Blog

Vinny Vegas’s New Year Resolutions
Yo! I’m all business this year. It’s poker poker poker. Time to step my game up.

• Win the WSOP Main Event
• Order a Vesper Martini at Casino Royale in Monte Carlo, Monaco
• Win a couple mil off Tom Dwan
• Win a pot over 1K with 2-7 off-suited.

Debbie Deuce Dallas’s New Year Resolutions
Hey poker people. Here is my list. It’s cute and tiny, like me

• Start a breast cancer charity poker tournament.
• Be voted the hottest poker chick.
• Win a puppy in a hand.

Cowboy Connor’s New Year Resolutions
Howdy Yall. This year I have a short list. And a much more mucking practical one than last year (I never made it to being the first SpaceCowboy)

• Get a date with Kara Scott…mmm Kara
• Prove to Phil Hellmuth he can’t dodge bullets (both with cards and a colt45)
• Get a date with Lacie Jones…and then name her boobs. For the left one I was thinking, “Heavenly Creature” and the right one shall be called “Righty.”
• Steal Vanessa Rousso away from Chad Brown. Possibly in fashion of Borat bagging Pamela Anderson.
• Get Joe Cada to take me to a college keggar! Yeeha!!! Partay!!!
• Get Lady Gaga to show me her poker face…or let me poke her face.
• Go on a drinking binge and do a Broadway style reenactment of Rounders.
• Put a cork in the Mouth’s mouth.
• Discover that the real Joanna Krupa is much softer than my plastic one.
• Sabotage Phil Laak so that all his hoods look like the KKK
• Prove to Jennifer Tilly that she belongs in…porn, and that I should be the costar.
• Spray paint the Saints-Cowboys score onto Darvin Moon’s lawn. (Dallas 24 New Orleans 17)
• Find out if Phil Ivey really is the Tigrrrr woods of Poker, if so then I’m taking that fool to Tao Beach, so I can get my Noodle Wet with his leftovers!
• Teach poker strategy to a bunch of fish, tell them the wrong things, then play them online under an alias and…bring in the $$$$$$$$
• Be a poker playing SpaceCowboy!! It’s so on this year. Just need to get a huge bank roll so I can rent space ship from NASA or Hertz or something.
  

Ho ho ho all you hoes and poker people!

Here are the top 5 Holiday Poker Gifts (under $50)

#5. Rounders DVD (or Blue Ray): Price: $12.99. Every poker enthusiast / player / movie buff has seen this movie. And it’s got some pretty memorable quotes. WARNING: If you get this for some one you live with you may end up burning the gift or smacking the recipient of the gift across the face with the DVD case as they may spend a good portion of their lives watching and quoting this movie. But still its a keeper

Rounders DVD

Copag Cards

Ballar Card Guards

Enjoy Pocket Cams

#1. Massage: Price: Varies. This is for the real grinders. You know the ones that spend all day and night eating / breathing/ and stressing out about poker. Believe me this one will score you some real brownie points. With a gift like this you won’t even need mistletoe or spiked eggnog to get lucky this Holiday

Season.

So I, Debbie Deuce Dallas, had the privilege of sitting down with that mucking cutie Joe Cada. I got down and dirty (in more ways than one) and found out some pretty juicy facts that I didn’t have time (or permission) to post in the video interview.

Some of you may know this juicy stuff already but for those of you who don’t let me give you 5 interesting facts about our super hot World Champion.

#5. Joe Cada is 340 days younger than Peter Eastgate. He told that “old man” Peter that he was going to beat his record on day 3 of the tourney. Peter went “Psha!” and then put up his hand like a little crying Diva…well that is paraphrased.

#4. Cada’s first big cash came from an online tourney where he took home $150,000 when he was just 19. The IRS has recently endited Joe Cada and the PokerStars is seaking rembursement being that he was not legally allowed to gamble at the time…JK

#3. 150 screaming Cada fans can’t be wrong. Even when their flabby and bare skinned with Body Paint…eew flabby!

#2. Cada has 1 girlfriend, and after his $8,574,649 win he now has 1 girlfriend and 39 hoochie mama mistresses that are willing to do what ever to him…ME INCLUDED!

#1. By age 19 Cada was able to purchase a house with his poker winnings, which is good cause he’s going to need a place to stash away all those hoochies and do all the dirty little things when he goes all in! OO LALA!

Kiss
Debbie Deuce Dallas!!!

Viva Vitaly!

Vitaly Lunkin that is!

Seriously this Russian knows how to play poker (and here I thought poker was so not in the COMMIE spirit!) Anyway, in the kickoff event for ESPN’s 2009 WSOP coverage very few hands were shown of Vitaly. Maybe it’s the fact that the young guns Isaac Haxton, Justin Bonomo, Noah Schwartz, or the other 20 something year olds that made up the final table were just a tad more camera friendly eye candy Or maybe its because Vitaly speaks about 7 words of English and they include the terms “all in” and ” F the US!” (Not sure about the last one but you know he’s been spoon fed Anti-American propaganda his whole life, but hey at least it wasn’t anti-poker propaganda). So with that in mind you have to ask yourself how like did Vitaly do so well and come from behind to take home his second WSOP bracelet? (P.S. 2 bracelets is so hotter than one).

Well when you take into account how many hands were probably played in comparison to how many are actually aired you get a ration of something like 10 to 1. So with that in mind Vitaly probably played agressive on the blinds (boring to watch if you’re not a fiend like me) And then he waited for his pivital moments to strike. And strike he did! When only two players remained it was Vitaly and that cuttie Isaac Haxton who went at it heads-up. And what a heads-up game it was. Not once, not twice, but three times Haxton aggressively went all in pre-flop only to have Vitaly call with the better hand. (See boys, it doesnt always pay to be agressive, tee hee )


One instance Haxton had K 10 off suited and to his suprise Lunkin was the bearer of pocket aces. It seemed the end was over for Haxton at that point but OH NO! Not even close. A king came on the flop and the river…well after the turn Haxton asked for “one time give me a ten, just one time”…and BAM a 10! Haxton doubled up and Vitaly was recorded cursing in Russian which is OK cause network TV only bleeps English profanities.

But that’s besides the point. What counts is that Haxton had depleted his “one time”, cause the next time he boldly went all in the poker Gods were like “Dude seriously!” because it was all over and Lunkin took home his second WSOP bracelet and a $1.9 Million US dollars (Does Cha Ching translate the same into Russian!)

KISS

-Debbie Deuece Dallas

Poker people mark your calendars, itineraries, student planners, make a sticky note or write it on the back of your hand because ESPN coverage of the 2009 WSOP is about to kick off! Starting Tuesday, July 28th (at 8 PM ET) the days of WSOP reruns are over (and not a moment too soon cause I swear if I saw Chris Moneymaker knock Johnny Chan out one more time I was going to pick up Johnny’s stupid orange and throw it at someone).

ESPN is going all-in with this WSOP as they promised us a spectacle beyond belief. With 40 cameras used to cover this years WSOP (NBC used 35 to cover Super bowl XLIII) which is airing in 25 countries on 5 continents over span of 16 weeks, not only will we get a front row view to the run up of the Main Event final table (Go Phil!) but we’ll experience the the Special 40th Annual $40,000 No Limit Hold’em event where the prize pool is up to $7.7 Million. Can you imagine if this were a re-buy event? And we will move beyond the railing at the Rio (with out a buy-in) to watch previous Main Event winners duke it out in the Champions Invitational, and witness celebrities like Matt Damon show off their poker faces in the Ante Up for Africa Celebrity – Charity Event . Not to mention the 24 hour coverage of the Main Event ESPN promised us. But the question remains, who will take home the gold bracelets? Will it be a dark horse, a seasoned veteran, a rising Internet star, or maybe some rich fool who thinks lady luck likes to flirt with him? And if you all ready know (cause your part of that select group of people who likes to read the news) then just enjoy the sweet editing and camera work the boys over at ESPN cooked up for us because hey, it took them long enough!

So set your TIVO’s or rummage up one of those VCR things and record each Tuesday night cause we are guaranteed two episodes a week with commentary by veteran announcer (yet novice poker player) Lon McEachern, who makes the WSOP sound like the greatest thing since bread and butter, and the sarcastic Norman Chad (I can’t wait to hear him bash on the Poker Brat this year, especially his over extravagant entrance as Cesar). Look for the featured table with the likes of Phil “The Tiger Woods of Poker” Ivey, Phil “Poker Brat” Hellmuth, Scotty “the Train” Nguyen, Bertrand “Elky” Grospellier, and many more names that have come to dominate this game…give me time, I’ll be there soon…one day I hope!

-Debbie Deuce Dallas

The ESPN 2009 WSOP SCHEDULE

Since we’re well in the money at the 2009 WSOP Main Event I want to give my girl Kara Scott a shout out for being the only woman to cash in both the 2008 and 2009 Main Event.

With that in mind I wonder why women get such a “bad rap” when it comes to our poker skills. I mean I think the real verdict on us, women, is that we’re just smarter with our money so far less of us take to gambling as a serious thing. I mean look at Annette Obrestad, this woman, who was 18 at the time, took top notch at the 2007 WSOP Europe Main Event being the youngest and first woman to win a WSOP Main Event.

That should like totally put all you haters in your place. But if it doesn’t I dare you to tell me tell me Vanessa Roussu or Annie Duke is a chum…I double dare you…cause then I will kick you in the balls and call you a stupid stupid man!

For heavens sake we girls should not be over looked at the tables. On the contrary, we should be your biggest fears. Because when you see a sea of testosterone Moby Dicks wanting to whip it out right there on the felt the first set of T&A should be your wake up call. That little “sweetie” is there to play and may be the one who takes all your cash and your ignorance could be your undoing.

Let’s take STRIP POKER for example. More than likely your going to call an all in from a girl because:

a. She’s a girl and you want to see the goodies.
b. Your an ignorant horny guy who thinks girls are always “bluffin with their muffin”.

So unless you have got the nuts your not going to see any skin because this little lady is using her ASSets and the fact that your male to her advantage . She knows your going to call her all in and is pushing in with the nuts simply because you have nuts. Now hows that for reverse psychology!

Bottom line. Put your egos away! Stop being stupid ignorant horny SOB’s and fear us ladies! Other wise my girls Shannon Elizabeth and Evelyn Ng are going to eat you for lunch! I mean there is a reason some women find all ladies events harder than regular tourneys. It’s because when silly boys aren’t drooling on the felt we actually have to beef up our poker faces.

So next time you see that fine young thang looking all seductive and sexy across from you as she caresses her chips…remember that SHE’S A POKER PLAYER TOO!

KISS
-Debbie Deuce Dallas

Vinny and Connor told me to write something about poker…but I’ve been up all night…I watched the Wiz, I brought out all my old Michael Jackson vinyls and you know what, FUCK what Vinny and Connor want.

I want to take this moment to tell the world that I am drinking a 40 at 10 AM (this one’s for Mike).

Sure he wasn’t the most “normal” of celebrities but this man changed Music. He Thrilled us and may have been the greatest entertainer of all time. And even if South Park and so many others made fun of this man, it’s only because he had reached such a state of super stardom that we could make fun these things we never understood. But he lived in a world where he couldn’t step foot outside his house with out being swarmed, he had no real child hood, and if your a true fan then you definitely heard his confession about his father on Oprah, so for what ever reasons he may have, there was nothing “normal” about his life from the get go.

Bottom line Mike, we will miss you. I had my fingers crossed for your up coming London tour and a hopeful glorious comeback, but sadly your legacy remains where it is.

Where ever you are Michael, I’m BETTING your walking on the moon right now and it doesn’t matter if your black or white, cause to me you’ll always be the King of Pop.

So much Love

-Debbie Deuce Dallas

OMG! 30 players remain in the WSOP Event #41 $5,00 No-Limit Hold’em Shootout and there is a 30 way tie for first!! And i repeat OMG!

Talk about difficulty trying to pick one man to keep ur eye on. I mean when Phil Ivey is tied with 29 others he suddenly isn’t as hott.

Silly tournament structure. Basically every table played down to just 1 player with no rest. So every one came on top (…mm…NVM…) with the same amount of chips. I hope day 2 gets me going cause right now my hormones are all over the place with 30 hotties to root for.

Sigh. Life is hard when you’re a girl.

KISS
Debbie Deuce Dallas

muphvzt3ec

Hey cuties,

OMFG what a CRAZY WEEKEND!

There’s nothing that gets me more excited than poker, basketball and tequila, and with the NBA Finals, the WSOP, and some Patron, well lets just say this week end I was like a dog in heat!

So Who’s hott right now?

MMM…Brock “t soprano” Parker came on top of that confident cutie Daniel Negreanu (why is confidence so hott?) in Event #14 of the 2009 WSOP, $2,500 Six-Handed Limit Hold’em. For some reason I find myself wanting Brock’s bald, bearded head…Maybe the online to bracelet thing is a turn on…maybe I had to much tequila.

And Kevin Stammen…well you can go ahead and give me a call. Just bring the bracelet you got over the week end from the $2,500 No-limit Hold’em event, I’ll bring the handcuffs.

And sadly. That super cutie Superman, Dwight Howard, he looked so sad last night after that “Grumpy” old Kobe Bryant got 29 points and helped the Lakers beat the Magic to go up 2-0 in the NBA Finals. But it’s ok Dwight. I still want to see your Magic…

Kiss
Debbie