Nov 18

caution poker addicts1 The Top 5 Signs Youre a Poker ADDICT

So you want to be a ballar card shark huh? Which means you’ve probably been spending every waking moment eating, breathing, sweating, bowel-movementing poker! However, there comes a point when one can play too much poker.

So before you max out your Amazon Visa Card on poker books and spend the rest of your bank roll in Vegas please take a moment from your poker-filled day (yes just one moment) to understand the top 5 signs that you play too much poker.

#5. Poker Hand Goggles
You’ve heard of beer goggles right? You know, when those down right ugly ass bi%$es look like fine-ass-sexy-mamas simply because you’re wearing beer goggles. Well, Poker Hand Goggles kinda work the same way. It’s where you see everything in life as a poker hand. So how do you know if you have Poker Hand Goggle on? Let’s see–  If your girlfriend has to have an intervention to tell you that Broadway is where she wants you to take her for her birthday and you still think she’s talking about a 10 through Ace straight, then you got them PH Goggles on! If you’re watching CNN and Obama comes on the tube and you start think of pocket 4’s with big ears then you got PH Goggles on! And most importantly, when you unzip your fly at a urinal and you’re seeing Big Slick…well you’re either very confident or you got PH Goggles on!

#4. Rake Back Rewards Card
We all have one. Whether it’s a grocery store club card or a freaking Jamba Juice card etc. The bottom line is we all have one. Now the way you know if you play too much poker is if you get one of these cards and you realize that you get one free smoothie for every 10 and say to yourself “WOW! That’s 10% rakeback!” well then my friend…you play too much poker!

#3. You Can No Longer Talk About Sex with the Guys
So this one is the worst a man can experience. It’s when your friends are talking about chicks they were hooking up with and they start throwing out terms like “loose”, “tight”, “aggressive”, and “passive” and for some reason instead of thinking about your buddies sexual adventures with females, you’re thinking about GUYS you were playing cards with the night before.

#2. You compare Tiger Woods to Phil Ivey
This one is pretty simple. When you see Tiger Woods and you automatically think of him as the “Phil Ivey of Golf” then you play too much poker!

#1. You Have a Better top 5
If your sitting there right now and thinking to yourself that you have a better top 5 than the ones I just mentioned, then YOU PLAY TOO MUCH POKER! I don’t care if your list includes a bigger desire to finish that $1 tourney than to have sex with your girlfriend, or if you forget to change your baby’s diaper because you were in the middle of intense grind, the point is YOU PLAY TOO MUCH POKER!

With that said my dear poker addicted audience, you have just spent a good couple of minutes of your life reading and not playing poker, so I can safely say that you did your part to curb your addiction. Consider this article like AA for poker addicts. You know what else? A good sponsor always ends by giving out chips so consider this article your chip now get out there, pull up a chair, and make some money!

I’m Out

-Vinny Vegas!

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Nov 11

joe cada Down and Dirty with Joe Cada!

So I, Debbie Deuce Dallas, had the privilege of sitting down with that mucking cutie Joe Cada. I got down and dirty (in more ways than one) and found out some pretty juicy facts ;) that I didn’t have time (or permission) to post in the video interview.

Some of you may know this juicy stuff already but for those of you who don’t let me give you 5 interesting facts about our super hot World Champion.

#5. Joe Cada is 340 days younger than Peter Eastgate. He told that “old man” Peter that he was going to beat his record on day 3 of the tourney. Peter went “Psha!” and then put up his hand like a little crying Diva…well that is paraphrased.

#4. Cada’s first big cash came from an online tourney where he took home $150,000 when he was just 19. The IRS has recently endited Joe Cada and the PokerStars is seaking rembursement being that he was not legally allowed to gamble at the time…JK

#3. 150 screaming Cada fans can’t be wrong. Even when their flabby and bare skinned with Body Paint…eew flabby!

#2. Cada has 1 girlfriend, and after his $8,574,649 win he now has 1 girlfriend and 39 hoochie mama mistresses that are willing to do what ever to him…ME INCLUDED!

#1. By age 19 Cada was able to purchase a house with his poker winnings, which is good cause he’s going to need a place to stash away all those hoochies and do all the dirty little things when he goes all in! OO LALA!

Kiss
Debbie Deuce Dallas!!!

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Nov 9

wsop main event heads up Joe Cada or Darvin Moon? Who is Lady Luck sleeping with?

The  WSOP Main Event…there’s nothing quite like it. It’s a place where dreams can be won or insta-called and lost. As of now however, the WSOP is the poster child of mucking luck! Seriously… Cada and Moon and are some of luckiest mucksters to ever grace the poker table. Sure there is that degree of luck involved in poker…but all this time we’ve been  argueing to Congress that poker is above a meer chance game because it is based on skill and luck is just a minor factor…however, let us break down the November 9 til we get our two Heads-Up players, Joe Cada and Darvin Moon, and you will see that skill has nothing to do with these two players…well maybe a little…but still!

9th place goes to James Akenhead but he was eliminated by Schaffel. The last time I checked Schaffel does not spell Cada or Moon. So this bypasses the luck radar.

8th place goes to Kevin Schaffel. Here was the first taste of how luck will dominate things to come. Schaffel pushed all in with pocket Aces only to be called by Buchman’s pocket kings, which ended up becoming quad kings by the river. This also goes to show that pocket Aces are mucking cursed. CURSED I SAY!!!


7th places go to Phil Ivey…let us take a moment and tip our hats and toast our glasses for Phil. He was the first casualty of the Moon/Cada 1-2 lucky mucking punch!. We all know Phil was short stacked. So Phil with big slick (Ace King) shoved all-in pre-flop only to be called by that mucking lucky logger Moon who had Ace Queen. Being that it’s Moon and he clearly is cheating on his wife with Lady Luck what came on the flop…a Queen, naturally! Sorry Phil! Aint no room in this game for skill!!!!!


6th place goes to Steven Begleiter who was casualty #2 of Moon’s lucky streak. Begleiter pushed all in with pocket Queens and was about to double up when the river told him other wise. Let me paraphrase what the river said, “Oh Steven you want to double up against Darvin, I don’t think so bucko! Your in a no fly zone when it comes against my man Darvin Moon! Here Darvin have an ace, that should do it for Mr. Begleiter! Sianara Steve! Send me a postcard from the LOSERS CIRCLE!”


5th place goes to Jeff Shulman. Sure his pocket 7’s didn’t hold up against Saout’s Ace 9 but I am going to put this one in the Karma category rather than luck. You say mean things about the WSOP Bracelet it’s gonna come back to you. There are way too many weird cosmic forces in the Universe to think that Shulman had a chance to win this after what he said and after how big of a douche his father has been since beating that nice guy Negreanu in the WSOPE! AKA U suck Shulmans!


4th place goes to Eric Buchman who lost on pretty legit terms after being crippled by Saout. Let’s leave it that and tip are hats to the Poker Pro who got a 2.5 Million Dollar pay day. Now if only he would work on his interviewing skills and find other things to say besides “you know” and stop looking high all the time. Unless he’s into that thing cause hey, he can buy a lot of herb with $2.5 Million!


3rd place goes to Antoine Saout who was not the first to to experience Cada’s luck (Cada previously doubled up on when his pocket treys hit another on the flop leaving Shulman’s pocket Jack’s inferior! Just like Shulman’s manhood) but any way back to Saout. Awe…sigh…this was Mucking Lucky. And Cada, you should sell Cada’s lucky rabbits feet for good luck! Seriously, people will buy them after I say how you made it to heads up…deep breathe…OK HERE WE GO…Saout is all-in with his pocket 8’s trying to do what Hellmuth calls “Dodging bullets baby” and all of a sudden that mean nasty river clearly has a thing against French people (some things never change in America) and was like “Muck that Antoine” we’re keeping this here championship in the USofA! And low and behold the river gave Cada a King for the better pair. Bye bye Frenchy!!!


So there’s the luck run down/ suck out palooza/what the muck is going on in Vegas?!?!?! The way it stands as of now is that Joe Cada is chip leader with 136,925,000 chips (yes he really was down to just 2  Mil and is that mucking lucky to keep doubling up and up and up and up and…well you get the picture) and Darvin Moon, that lucky logger in the Saints cap (the Saints are still undefeated might I add) who has a mere 58,875,000 chips. So I would say it looks like Cada has this thing all wrapped up but hey these are two lucky Muckers! and anything is clearly possible with these two. I expect to see a lot of odd play and Lady Luck to be the winner in the end!



I’m Out!
-Vinny Vegas
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