Another Mucking Blog

With Poker Palooza (formerly known as the Gaming Life Expo) just a few weeks away I started to think about Poker in the future. And then I fell asleep still thinking about poker of the future and had this dream about poker in the year 2091. Here were the top 5 changes to the game.

#5 Robot Dealers
These cybertronic dealers are not all bolts and microchips. Oh No! They’re way more than that. I’m talking about the ability to shuffle 8 decks at once, to deal out the cards in pin point precision, recite the rules at a whim, and the ability to eye the pot and within an instance tell you to the exact chip the value. The only down side was supposedly super hackers could do some sort of wire tap thingy and fix the game. So bottom line, in the future learn to be a hacker first and poker player second.

#4 The Ever-Changing Poker Face Helmet
This thing doesn’t look like a helmet when it’s on. In fact, you wouldn’t even notice some one was wearing it at first because it looks like a normal human face one second, and the next your staring at brontosaurus. That’s right, this futuristic gismo gives the card player the ability to change his face into any shape, form, or image he desires. Be it the head of a great white shark, or a that bright blue face and floppy red hat of Papa Smurf. This sucker is a must have for an armature going up against the big boys.

#3 The Bluff-O reader Sunglasses
We all know that many poker players wear sunglasses to hide their poker faces, but in the future sunglasses do way more than that. WAY MORE! The Bluff-O reader Sunglasses have a built in monitor that recognizes voice signatures and can determine the truthfulness of a players call or raise similar to a police lie detector. A real pro in the future is the one who can bluff the Bluff-O reader.

#2 The Fog Horn
What? A fog horn? Didn’t those things come out in the 20th century? Yes, but for some reason in the future it’s become the fad (a pretty annoying one) to use a fog horn every time a player raises or calls. Sure you don’t get many friends at the table with this vintage device but for some reason no one in the future complains about it, well almost no one, Phil Hellmuth Version 6.72 was programmed to complain non-stop, then again, it’s Phil, so what’s new.

#1 The Invisibility Suit
Supposedly the idea of the invisibility suit started when US soldiers behind enemy lines wanted to play some cards, but it caught on with the pros. There’s nothing more intimidating than being unable to read your opponents Poker Face because all you see is…nothing, well you do see the floating chips when they call or raise but still it’s mucking hard to read these suckers. Nothing creepier than watching your chips float away after you lost a showdown.

All and all I can say that as cool as the future is (minus the Robot girls that give you drinks. Call me old school but I prefer flesh and bones any day) poker in the present is way cooler, except for maybe the Ever-Changing Poker Face Helmet.

-Vinny Vegas