Another Mucking Blog

#5 Kramer Syndrome

Yes, we’re all aware of Michael Richards’s racial outbursts, but that’s not the only thing you don’t want to copy from this man. I’m talking about how much Kramer is a freaking fidgety f*%$er! This tell is a result of stress so unless you can keep your cool then by golly G they wont even need a seismograph to read you when you got the Kramer Syndrome…FYI it kind of tells the table you ain’t got Jack (sh*t, that is!).

#4 The Smiley Face

This one usually creeps up when your bluffing or check-raising. You know, that little smirk that pushes its way out of the corner of your mouth like a baby from the womb! This damn smile can reek havoc if you let it out. But if you do, best get with the program and smile wide…ask if you have anything in your teeth and maybe they’ll buy it. Or maybe that burly lumberjack man who’s been staring at you all night is actually a closet homosexual and will smile back…Just maybe!

# 3 Caffeine Cards

You know you’ve seen it before. That fool at the table who, for all you know, was recovering from his second lobotomy, then all of a sudden…BAM! He’s like a freaking barista who’s been drinking espresso since 5 AM without a moment to breathe. This player is like a rock, only playing hands he feels are bomb diggidy, grade-A caviar style. When you get a whiff of his home brew I would fold…unless you know u got top pair cause odds are he’s got at least pocket Jacks.

#2 Interpretive Dance

The meaning is all in the movement. This player uses authority in the way they toss around chips like they’re a mack daddy and the chips are just girls. This give away is usually a bluff because they want everyone to think that their hole cards would have Paris Hilton saying “That’s Hott”. But watch their actions, if they’re exaggerated like vaudeville then odds are you should call their extremely out of place raise.

#1 You are who you Are!

This one takes patients but if you have that (which you should cause your playing poker) then you may be the smartest man, woman, or child alive! No, but seriously this one is pretty straight forward. People bet the way they act, if you’re talking to a man and he says he’s a 10th grade math teacher and his chips are arranged in perfect columns, odds are he’s going to play the game according to statistics and odds. Now, lets say that same 10th grade math teacher told you he was laid off cause he had a thing with a few students, well then you know that aside from being a pedophile, this man likes to take risks! Do I need to say more?

YeeHa
Cowboy Connor

OK I’m going to make this short and sweet (like D fish). Hats off to the Orlando Magic who must have rubbed the belly of a Buddah, got blessed by their local Shaman, or participated in some sort of Alligator sacrifice (being Florida and all) because the Magic had to BREAK records to barely pull off a win last night in game 3 of the 2009 NBA finals. But I mean damn 75% shooting in the first half….craZy (yes with a capital Z).

However it’s still got to be discouraging when your up against the Black Mamba himself. Last night was just Kobe letting the ratings build cause you know the world doesn’t want to see a sweep even though they want the Lakers to win. You know its true!

So unless the Orlando Magic plan to continue breaking records I think LA has it in the bag like a frat guy with a drunk hooker!

I’m out!

-Vinny Vegas

#5 The Big Baddy! 

Hey cuties,

OMFG what a CRAZY WEEKEND!

There’s nothing that gets me more excited than poker, basketball and tequila, and with the NBA Finals, the WSOP, and some Patron, well lets just say this week end I was like a dog in heat!

So Who’s hott right now?

MMM…Brock “t soprano” Parker came on top of that confident cutie Daniel Negreanu (why is confidence so hott?) in Event #14 of the 2009 WSOP, $2,500 Six-Handed Limit Hold’em. For some reason I find myself wanting Brock’s bald, bearded head…Maybe the online to bracelet thing is a turn on…maybe I had to much tequila.

And Kevin Stammen…well you can go ahead and give me a call. Just bring the bracelet you got over the week end from the $2,500 No-limit Hold’em event, I’ll bring the handcuffs.

And sadly. That super cutie Superman, Dwight Howard, he looked so sad last night after that “Grumpy” old Kobe Bryant got 29 points and helped the Lakers beat the Magic to go up 2-0 in the NBA Finals. But it’s ok Dwight. I still want to see your Magic…

Kiss
Debbie

Yee HA HA howdy HAHA HA!!!

If you can’t tell I’m in a good mood. No it wasn’t the Skinnamax I fell asleep watching or the chili dogs for breakfast…I’m talking about the Black Mamba, Kobe: Doing Work!

Kobe told all of Orlando last night “I’m not Lebron James Bi*#!es!” Then he went over to D-Howard and was like “Eh superGIRLYman! Your cape fell off! Oh what’s a matter Dwight! Can’t fly in the Finals?” Maybe not in those exact words but it was pretty damn close!

Bottom line. The Lakers told the Magic what real champions look like as every man, woman, Jack Nicholson, and child, played their role to perfection in Staples Center Thursday night. Lakers 100, Magic 75

[That's the face of an Orlandoian (Minus Tiger Woods cause even though he lives in Orlando, LA's got his soul MuhuHAHA!]

So pull out the white surrender flag Sam Van Gundy (Magic Coach) and start trying to look like your not going to have a stroke from constipation every second of the day.

I’m calling it: Lakers in 5! Vinny says 6 but what does he know!

In POKER NEWS: I’m shooting my pistols up in the air to celebrate Phil Ivey’s 6th bracelet win at the WSOP for the $2,500 No-Limit Deuce-to-Seven Draw Event #8.

This is Cowboy Connor signing off!

A NOTE FROM DEBBIE: Dwight is a hottie and keep your heads up Orlando, it takes 4 games to win a championship.

Connor to Debbie: Kobe Bryant! Nuff Said. He takes to the HNL, Hole Nudda Level!

What’s worse than being a nervous armature playing in your first WSOP tournament? Or giving off tells that your weak or a fish next to a pro?

How bout being a veteran of the final table and never once walking away with a bracelet. Hell, that’s like being John McCain accept with out all those years in Vietnam!

But any way, for Steve Sung that all changed when he finally got branded with gold. I’m talking about taking home a bracelet for the $1000 No-limit Hold’em Event #4. An event that had a record for a non-main event with 6,012 entrants. What what! And only one came on top. And it was our boy Steve Sung! After many visits to the final table just to watch others get glory, he finally knows how it feels.

Congrats man! I’m sure that 6 figure pay check feels nice too, but some how not as satisfying as that new piece of jewelry you got.

Not that I care much for jewelry, you know, you’ll never catch me watching that home shopping network or nothing. But this bracelet…ya I’d sport it.

Enjoy

-Vinny Vegas

Morning Ya’ll!

So as Day #3 of the WSOP got underway it should have been no surprise that the $1,000 cash money No-Limit Hold’em event #4 had a former bracelet winner on top. Hey, once you taste cheese you know you want to eat more. And that’s what bracelet winner Dan Heimiller intends to do.

So any way Dan Heimiller was like a Spartan standing strong with 4,155,000 chips screaming “This is Sparta!” (No not really, but he might as well have, cause his cards were like the 300 against the armies of Xerxes!)

Heimiller, like bold Leonidas, told Stephen Birkett to get his sh*t out of Greece by going all in on the flop (which was a 9 of hearts, 6 spades, and a 7 spades).  Heimiller had a 9 of diamonds and an 8 of spades against Birkett’s pocket 10’s. The turn did nothing to help Heimiller but that Mucking RIVER! What would it be?

A mucking 9 of clubs! Heimiller, a bracelet winner, a good poker player, and a mother mucking river rat!

That’s right, I said it! Do something about it!

Cowboy Connor! YeeHA!

So you want to roll with big boys huh? You wish you could call yourself the Champion of Champions do ya? You want to be like Billy The Kid of the poker tables? Huh punk? Well there is a new sheriff in town and the man to beat is Tom McEvoy! But is he really new? And is the loot he came away with something state-of-the-art?

Nope!!! McEvoy (the 1983 WSOP main event champion, way before that Eastgate boy was born) went home with a 1970 Corvette Stingray, one mucking prize that he’ll definitely roll out in with style. I’m talking about splurging on a sick ass pair of aviators and a sexy blond in the passenger seat (hopefully he doesn’t technically have to splurge for the babe, I mean for crying out loud Tom, your the WSOP champion of champions!)

Here’s how he took his crown.

On the final hand it was McEvoy Vs Robert Varkonyi (2002 Champion). Both players limped in to see the flop (no limp does not refer to the issues you have with your girl friend) and when it came it it was a 7 clubs, 5 spades, and an 8 of clubs. Varkonyi made a small bet and McEvoy cooly called.

The turn was a 6 of clubs and McEvoy made a min-raise and Varkonyi went all in (I love going all in…women). McEvoy called and showed a 10 clubs a 9 of diamonds going for the nut strait, flush draw. Where as Varkonyi had a Jack of diamonds and a five of clubs going for the strait, flush draw. The river came and it was King of clubs giving McEvoy the nut flush (highest ranking flush) and just like that the Champion of Champions was crowned.

Congrats Tom McEvoy. If your car get’s jacked, it wasn’t me.

-Vinny Vegas

First off, in the tourney that I’m 99.9999% sure I will find my babies daddy in, the Champions Invitational (which only previous main event champions partook in), Day 1 came to a close and only 10 sexy studs remained.

After day 1 this is the ranking of the men I will likely take home tonight, and the reasons why:

Now please try to refrain from dreaming about me to much…It’s hard I know.