Another Mucking Blog

Call us what you want, but we’re betting on the underdog New Orleans Saints to win the Super Bowl. Maybe we mucking like the idea of a Hollywood ending too much, maybe it’s because our 44th President (Obama) picked New Orleans, or maybe it’s fate as the Saints, a franchise that came into existence 44 years ago, will make their first appearance in the 44th Super Bowl.

Besides all that mucking folklore here is the science behind our pick.

The third best player on the field (after Peyton Manning and Drew Brees) is the Colts DE Dwight Freeney who is a constant threat on the pass rush. Fortunately for the Saints, Mr. Freeney mucking F’d up his ankle against the Jet’s 2 weeks ago and is uncertain if he will play. And even if he does, we don’t think he’ll be mucking affective.

The Saints had the number 1 ranked offense and they did this with many weapons, from talented wide receivers and Reggie Bush out of the backfield. The Colts on the other hand lack any backfield as they ranked last in rushing this season. So if the Saints can do a good job of shutting down Colt’s receiver Dallas Clark and sack Manning a few times then the game is theirs.

Finally, they are the underdog, sure the Colt’s have been to the Super Bowl pretty recently and won, but they are the favorites. All that expectation has got to add unneeded stress. So the Saints have the advantage since they got nothing to loose.

Bottom line, both teams have lack luster defenses and can score very quickly on offense so look for a high scoring game. However, the Saints will win because they want to prove something, to do something for the city of New Orleans, where their franchise has helped the recovering city more than anything since that mucking b#$! Katrina. To them, it’s mucking personal!

-Peace
Vinny Vegas

The 2010 NBA All-Star Break is nearly upon us! And we’re taking bets to see if Kobe and the West will defeat Lebron and the East for the 2nd year in a row.

Now, when thinking about such a bet its important to break it down and know the odds, just like in poker. But how different is basketball from poker? We dare ask the question and find many, many similarities in the betting mind set?

1. What is the strongest pair? If your holding a Kobe High Card with a Carmelo Anthony kicker is that better than a Lebron-Dwayne Wade pair?

2. Which is the better conference? If Las Vegas is the West and Atlantic City is the East which has the most talent?

3. What are your chances of catching a clutch river to stay alive? Is Kobe or Lebron the better clutch river?

4. What is the better hand? Would you rather have Kobe and Melo in your hand and the board read Nash, Stoudemire, and Duncan or have A.I. and Lebron in your hand with the board reading Howard, Garnett, and Wade?

5. In a heads up match who is the better player? Who has the most skill and patients to go all in and take it hole when it counts? Is it Kobe or is it Lebron?

These are the questions one must ask themselves when making bets this year. And until we shuffle up and tip off and see who bust out first, our bets on KOBE!

-The Mucksters!

What’s Crackin Poker Peeps!

Vinny Vegas here, fresh off another Vegas trip (mucking crazy) with a tourney review for yas.

Luxor
Time: Daily 10:30 AM & Noon
Buy In: $35
Starting Chip Stack: 3K
Starting Blinds: 100/200
Blind Periods: 15 Min
Re-entries: No
Players: 2 tables with alternates
Pays: Top 3
Dealers: Morning crew so nothing special.
Poker Room: It’s the Luxor. Probably one of my favorite chill poker rooms in Vegas. Small but always a good crowd.
Tourney Notes: These tourneys are the great way to start your day. You can stumble out of bed at 10:15 or 11:45, pop a few Advil to deal with the effects of the night before, and onto the POKER! The blinds go up fast so your either short stacked or doubling/ tripling up before you know it. This is due to the fact most hands that go to show down are crippling and result in all-ins on the next hand played (if you survive the first show down). Don’t expect to be able to get a good read on players before playing a hand or you’ll be blinded off. It’s intended to be a fast tournament so even if you go deep it wont take more than a couple hours to cash leaving you plenty of other time to go get drunk/ play some Pai Gow/ call a hooker/ play some black jack/ take the hooker back to your room / check out the Lion King at Mandalay Bay/ marry a hooker? What!  Bottom line, the relaxed morning crowd and cheap buy in of this tournament can’t be argued with, so despite the fact its a crap shoot, it’s still fun.

I’m out!
-Vinny Vegas.

Inspired but the success of his 3D movie Avatar writer / director James Cameron has decided he wants to bring his new technology to poker. When asked how he came to this conclusion he simply pointed out that the high intensity moments that come with poker remind him of blowing up sh#! He also pointed out that films like Rounders are so dated cause nothing pops out at you. “Can you image the dealer dealing cards in your face! That be MUCKING AWESOME!” Mr. Cameron was quoted as saying.

The plot line for his new film has yet to be revealed but sources close to Lightstorm Entertainment (Cameron’s production company) have said that it will be loosely based on young Internet poker players traveling to far off distant tournaments to crush the locals and take their bank roll, with a love story somewhere in between. In addition it has been rumored that new technology is being created to enhance 3D Flops, chips, as well as an entire new type of 3D vision the allows the audience to view characters on the screen as sharks or donkeys based on certain cerebral brain waves…whatever that means.

What’s even more exciting is Cameron has stated he wants to further expand this new 3D  technology to televised tournaments starting with the World Series of Poker 2011. “After I’m through with this game the pocket cam will look soooo 20th century!” Cameron said as he polished his most recent Golden Globe. When asked what he was most excited for he said that, “For the first time audiences will get to experience how mucking overweight Phil Hellmuth is! Not to mention Lacie Jones and Joanna Krupa’s goodies will be so up in our face we could almost muck them!” He said while licking his lips.

Despite James Cameron’s new found obsession with poker some have consider it bad timing due to the recent success of Avatar. Furthermore, some have said it has gone to his head in the worst possible way. A recent report from Vegas said Mr. Cameron lost 1 Mil in a single pot and responded by saying, “Your like the Na’vi and I am going to mucking kill you and take your cash and muck your women hard in the A!” He then went outside to the valet and asked for his mech warrior and told the valet “I have natives to annihilate” and then tipped him with a rock. The source on this report could not be confirmed and Mr. Cameron has refused to comment.

Look for the new 3D Poker Film in Summer of 2012.

-Vinny Vegas

Vinny Vegas’s New Year Resolutions
Yo! I’m all business this year. It’s poker poker poker. Time to step my game up.

• Win the WSOP Main Event
• Order a Vesper Martini at Casino Royale in Monte Carlo, Monaco
• Win a couple mil off Tom Dwan
• Win a pot over 1K with 2-7 off-suited.

Debbie Deuce Dallas’s New Year Resolutions
Hey poker people. Here is my list. It’s cute and tiny, like me

• Start a breast cancer charity poker tournament.
• Be voted the hottest poker chick.
• Win a puppy in a hand.

Cowboy Connor’s New Year Resolutions
Howdy Yall. This year I have a short list. And a much more mucking practical one than last year (I never made it to being the first SpaceCowboy)

• Get a date with Kara Scott…mmm Kara
• Prove to Phil Hellmuth he can’t dodge bullets (both with cards and a colt45)
• Get a date with Lacie Jones…and then name her boobs. For the left one I was thinking, “Heavenly Creature” and the right one shall be called “Righty.”
• Steal Vanessa Rousso away from Chad Brown. Possibly in fashion of Borat bagging Pamela Anderson.
• Get Joe Cada to take me to a college keggar! Yeeha!!! Partay!!!
• Get Lady Gaga to show me her poker face…or let me poke her face.
• Go on a drinking binge and do a Broadway style reenactment of Rounders.
• Put a cork in the Mouth’s mouth.
• Discover that the real Joanna Krupa is much softer than my plastic one.
• Sabotage Phil Laak so that all his hoods look like the KKK
• Prove to Jennifer Tilly that she belongs in…porn, and that I should be the costar.
• Spray paint the Saints-Cowboys score onto Darvin Moon’s lawn. (Dallas 24 New Orleans 17)
• Find out if Phil Ivey really is the Tigrrrr woods of Poker, if so then I’m taking that fool to Tao Beach, so I can get my Noodle Wet with his leftovers!
• Teach poker strategy to a bunch of fish, tell them the wrong things, then play them online under an alias and…bring in the $$$$$$$$
• Be a poker playing SpaceCowboy!! It’s so on this year. Just need to get a huge bank roll so I can rent space ship from NASA or Hertz or something.
  

Ho ho ho all you hoes and poker people!

Here are the top 5 Holiday Poker Gifts (under $50)

#5. Rounders DVD (or Blue Ray): Price: $12.99. Every poker enthusiast / player / movie buff has seen this movie. And it’s got some pretty memorable quotes. WARNING: If you get this for some one you live with you may end up burning the gift or smacking the recipient of the gift across the face with the DVD case as they may spend a good portion of their lives watching and quoting this movie. But still its a keeper

Rounders DVD

Copag Cards

Ballar Card Guards

Enjoy Pocket Cams

#1. Massage: Price: Varies. This is for the real grinders. You know the ones that spend all day and night eating / breathing/ and stressing out about poker. Believe me this one will score you some real brownie points. With a gift like this you won’t even need mistletoe or spiked eggnog to get lucky this Holiday

Season.

So you want to be a ballar card shark huh? Which means you’ve probably been spending every waking moment eating, breathing, sweating, bowel-movementing poker! However, there comes a point when one can play too much poker.

So before you max out your Amazon Visa Card on poker books and spend the rest of your bank roll in Vegas please take a moment from your poker-filled day (yes just one moment) to understand the top 5 signs that you play too much poker.

#5. Poker Hand Goggles
You’ve heard of beer goggles right? You know, when those down right ugly ass bi%$es look like fine-ass-sexy-mamas simply because you’re wearing beer goggles. Well, Poker Hand Goggles kinda work the same way. It’s where you see everything in life as a poker hand. So how do you know if you have Poker Hand Goggle on? Let’s see–  If your girlfriend has to have an intervention to tell you that Broadway is where she wants you to take her for her birthday and you still think she’s talking about a 10 through Ace straight, then you got them PH Goggles on! If you’re watching CNN and Obama comes on the tube and you start think of pocket 4’s with big ears then you got PH Goggles on! And most importantly, when you unzip your fly at a urinal and you’re seeing Big Slick…well you’re either very confident or you got PH Goggles on!

#4. Rake Back Rewards Card
We all have one. Whether it’s a grocery store club card or a freaking Jamba Juice card etc. The bottom line is we all have one. Now the way you know if you play too much poker is if you get one of these cards and you realize that you get one free smoothie for every 10 and say to yourself “WOW! That’s 10% rakeback!” well then my friend…you play too much poker!

#3. You Can No Longer Talk About Sex with the Guys
So this one is the worst a man can experience. It’s when your friends are talking about chicks they were hooking up with and they start throwing out terms like “loose”, “tight”, “aggressive”, and “passive” and for some reason instead of thinking about your buddies sexual adventures with females, you’re thinking about GUYS you were playing cards with the night before.

#2. You compare Tiger Woods to Phil Ivey
This one is pretty simple. When you see Tiger Woods and you automatically think of him as the “Phil Ivey of Golf” then you play too much poker!

#1. You Have a Better top 5
If your sitting there right now and thinking to yourself that you have a better top 5 than the ones I just mentioned, then YOU PLAY TOO MUCH POKER! I don’t care if your list includes a bigger desire to finish that $1 tourney than to have sex with your girlfriend, or if you forget to change your baby’s diaper because you were in the middle of intense grind, the point is YOU PLAY TOO MUCH POKER!

With that said my dear poker addicted audience, you have just spent a good couple of minutes of your life reading and not playing poker, so I can safely say that you did your part to curb your addiction. Consider this article like AA for poker addicts. You know what else? A good sponsor always ends by giving out chips so consider this article your chip now get out there, pull up a chair, and make some money!

I’m Out

-Vinny Vegas!

So I, Debbie Deuce Dallas, had the privilege of sitting down with that mucking cutie Joe Cada. I got down and dirty (in more ways than one) and found out some pretty juicy facts that I didn’t have time (or permission) to post in the video interview.

Some of you may know this juicy stuff already but for those of you who don’t let me give you 5 interesting facts about our super hot World Champion.

#5. Joe Cada is 340 days younger than Peter Eastgate. He told that “old man” Peter that he was going to beat his record on day 3 of the tourney. Peter went “Psha!” and then put up his hand like a little crying Diva…well that is paraphrased.

#4. Cada’s first big cash came from an online tourney where he took home $150,000 when he was just 19. The IRS has recently endited Joe Cada and the PokerStars is seaking rembursement being that he was not legally allowed to gamble at the time…JK

#3. 150 screaming Cada fans can’t be wrong. Even when their flabby and bare skinned with Body Paint…eew flabby!

#2. Cada has 1 girlfriend, and after his $8,574,649 win he now has 1 girlfriend and 39 hoochie mama mistresses that are willing to do what ever to him…ME INCLUDED!

#1. By age 19 Cada was able to purchase a house with his poker winnings, which is good cause he’s going to need a place to stash away all those hoochies and do all the dirty little things when he goes all in! OO LALA!

Kiss
Debbie Deuce Dallas!!!